Most Embarrassing Moment!

OK Rolo, look at this back home 10.45 - we had a frozen rain storm so had to come home and let the babysitter go home - she's a new driver so want her to be safe and sound...

listen Martin was reminding me of some very embarrassing moments: ok I'll give it a start:

Terrible quotes from Teresa:

Hey Martin look at that guy with the bullet eye: No sorry Teresa gunner eye that is.

Hey Chis I don't want to be a Strawberry: eh no Teresa you mean gooseberry...

Martin the world is your lobster - ehhhhh no you mean oyster right.

Have a terrible habbit of getting it wrong - and no I'm not Oliver Twist here-  if you get my meaning......

Now Rolo took the first dip - your turn next.....

Right Teresa,Mollykate,you gotta picture the scene.

There's six lads on a trip to Barcelona last October to celebrate a major event in one of the lad's lives.

I've spent the weeks leading up to the trip putting together a little song for him and now have the lyrics and tune down to a tee.

We've rented an apartment,just off Las Rambla ( for anyone that knows Barcelona ) for the few days so I'm thinking that one night after we come back from the bar we'll all be able to give my song  a good rattle.

Anyway,after we arrive on the Friday lunchtime we're straight out to the Michael Collins Bar,just opposite the Famous Sagrada Familia Cathedral to watch the Ireland v Australia Compromise Rules game.

The bar's empty but the manager, a great guy from Nobber Co.Meath tells us that later that night there will be some live entertainment in the Bar,with a guy from Wexford playing guitar and singing a few songs. 

We're there for a while chatting to the manager and before I know it one of the lads has explained the purpose of the trip,has mentioned this wonderful song that I've written and asked whether or not the night's entertainer would be willing to introduce a guest performer.

No bother says Nobber Man and he tells us to come back that night 'bout one thirty when the place will be rockin'.

Off we go so,I'm not a bit bothered 'cos I've no problem singing in front of a small audience,once got up on stage and sang Raglan Road in a bar in Liverpool and normally have no problem doing my bit.

This wasn't the first time I'd done a little song for a mate either.

We mosey around Barcelona for the rest of the afternoon having a couple of beers here and there before heading back to the apartment to get ready for the evening.

We hook up with a mate that's lived there for a couple of years and he brings us all over the place.

One bar he brings us to has a live band performing several of the songs we've been discussing here for the past while. It's a great night and the beer's going down fast.

Finally it's one o'clock and time to head back to the Michael Collins.

Hope you're still with me.

At this stage we're all well pi***d and I'm starting to have second thoughts as to whether I'll be able to carry it off,but haven't I sang it millions of times when I was writing and learning it.

We pitch up at the Michael Collins and it's stuffed. Must be four hundred punters enjoying the entertainment,which I have to say was top class.

The minute we walk in Nobber Man spots us and is up to the singer filling him as to what's going on.

I'm there going, " Nah, not tonight lads,too drunk,not up for it at the minute " but before I've a chance to disappear Nobber Man makes the announcement ,wait for this , that the youngest and least well known Furey Brother , Ronan Furey is in the house and would be willing to make a guest appearance.( One of the boys had spun this yarn to him earlier in the day and he'd swallowed it hook line and sinker.)

The place erupts, so what you gonna do ? Turn and leggit or face the music and give it a go.

Unfortunately we chose the wrong option and ten seconds later there's me on the stage with the Wexford singer asking me what I was going to sing and what key I'd like it played in.

Jaysis lads, I didn't know where to look.The lads are all at the front of the stage in convulsions and I'm trying to explain to a largely spanish audience,all pi**ed how this is the biggest con job of all time.

But sure now I've nothing to lose, I'm up on the stage rat a**ed,but don't I know the song inside out,might as well give it a go.

It's written to the tune of Grace,and is largely a sl*g of our mate,you know,mentioning embarrasing things he's done etc.

Think I could remember the words ? Not a bit of it.

Struggled through the first verse, all the time the baseball cap moving down lower and lower to cover my face. We make a good fist of the chorus 'cos the lads know the words and give me a dig out,but come the second verse we're f***ed.

Spend so much time trying to remember the words the tune goes completely.Complete disaster altogether. Never been so mortified in all my born days.

Fair play to the spanish audience,they're on their feet applauding.Not sure if it was 'cos I'd finished or what.

Then it's finished ,get a sympathetic pat on the back from Wexford Man and out the door before Nobber Man can get his hands on us.

We went back in a few minutes later and fair play to him,he saw the funny side and eased my conscience.

Thus ended a promising career.

Rolo.

That actually happened to my dad as well.

He's an architect and he fell down a manhole on a building site once.

Rolo.

Nah Mollykate,

That's me done now.

Someone else's turn.

Rolo.

Lenny's earlier revelation reminds me of a little story that took place in Zagreb, Croatia about six years ago.

There's a gang of us over for a soccer international between Croatia and Ireland and as you do, first night of a soccer trip you give it complete holly.

We found a real small bar,capacity about fifty,where the natives were unbelievably friendly to us and we'd had a great night mixing with them all.( No sign of any singing this time you'll be relieved to know.)

Anyway,the night's over and we're away to the scratcher.

Next morning and I'm dying. Decide to skip the brekky for an extra hour's kip.

When I eventually manage to make my way downstairs three or four of the boys are nursing cups of coffee and talking furtively among themselves.

I'm oblivious to all the chat 'cos I need to get my phone charged and as I don't have one of those continental adaptors,I ask one of the lads if I can borrow his.

He tells me it's in his room and tosses me the keycard and it's away with me in the lift.Think I detect a bit of sniggering from the boys but ignore it.

I arrive up to the room and the door's open so I don't need the key and I go straight in.

Straight away there's a complete invasion of the senses.

First the ears are assaulted by a shrill scream,followed closely by the most appalling stench which invades the nostrils.(Yeah both of them)

I'm barely inside the door when I see two chambermaids screaming at me and pointing to the most unholy mess,made by one of the room occupants who had done a most enormous Lenny in the middle of the night and who had legged it down to breakfast before the girls had arrived to clean the room.

It took two seconds to figure out what was happening, the poor girls obviously thought that I'd been the guilty party and were telling me in no uncertain terms ( thankfully in Croatian ) what they thought of me.

Needless to say when I got back downstairs,the boys were having a fit.

Rolo.

Just close your eyes and start at the beginning Kay.

Once you're into it it's simple.

Getting ready for the big trip on Friday ?

Rolo.

There's a trend starting here Teresa,

Not sure if I like it or not.

Rolo.

One liner of the week so far.

Good luck.

Rolo.