Joke !!!

'My wife went on a girlie trip to Hawaii and came back with a tattoo!'

'Honolulu?'

'No, on her ankle, actually...

During a spell in prison a well know pop star was interviewed by the govenor after he was found to be hiding contraband chocolate up his backside:

He claimed it was just a careless Wispa!

On the subject of tips... My mate told me to put all my money on a horse called Landfill.. it turned out to be a rubbish tip.

I used to think an ocean of soda existed, but it was just a Fanta sea.

A Glaswegian was getting dressed on the morning of his wedding. He has had a kilt specially made. He puts it on and his best man says, " What's the tartan?"

" She's wearing white"

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very

sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you

want."

So he tied her up and went golfing.

What's a Welsh letter?

A French letter with a ' leek ' in it

Whats brown and sounds like a bell?

Dung.

Old Timers Sex

This is too funny to be dirty - enjoy!

The husband leans over and asks his wife,

'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over

fifty years ago?

We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'

'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation

and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence

I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble.

So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks..

Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence..

The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.

As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in..

Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen.

This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises

and moaning and screaming.

Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed.

He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering,

the old couple struggles to their feet and puts their clothes back on.

The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself,

this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them,

'Excuse me, but that was something else.

You must've had a fantastic sex life together.

Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,

'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyCanberra"

She was asked why she had such a long password.

"I was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include one capital."

Author	Message Topic Search Topic Options Post Reply Create New Topic Printable Version Translate Topic
Pogue Mahoney Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List I have no life! 68-71 Joined: 08-February-2006 Location: Islets of Langerheads Status: Offline Points: 5274	Post Options Post Reply Quote Pogue Mahoney Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22-December-2016 at 14:58


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Don Don Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470	Post Options Post Reply Quote Don Don Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 26-January-2017 at 17:24
	'My wife went on a girlie trip to Hawaii and came back with a tattoo!' 'Honolulu?' 'No, on her ankle, actually...

Don Don Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470	Post Options Post Reply Quote Don Don Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 26-January-2017 at 17:27
	went fishing in the River liffey estuary yesterday. I caught a huge fish and when I tried to remove the hook I found it had a syringe in its mouth. Turns out it was a drug 'addock!

Don Don Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470	Post Options Post Reply Quote Don Don Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 26-January-2017 at 17:28
	During a spell in prison a well know pop star was interviewed by the govenor after he was found to be hiding contraband chocolate up his backside: He claimed it was just a careless Wispa!

Don Don Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470	Post Options Post Reply Quote Don Don Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 26-January-2017 at 17:29
	One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody; unless you are in prison.

Don Don Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470	Post Options Post Reply Quote Don Don Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 26-January-2017 at 17:35
	On the subject of tips... My mate told me to put all my money on a horse called Landfill.. it turned out to be a rubbish tip.

Don Don Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470	Post Options Post Reply Quote Don Don Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 26-January-2017 at 17:38
	What's blue and white and can't climb trees? A fridge in a denim jacket

Don Don Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470	Post Options Post Reply Quote Don Don Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 26-January-2017 at 17:39
	I used to think an ocean of soda existed, but it was just a Fanta sea.

Don Don Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470	Post Options Post Reply Quote Don Don Report Post Thanks(1) Quote Reply Posted: 26-January-2017 at 17:43
	A black athlete was shot shot dead by a starting pistol..........police say it was definitely race related.

Don Don Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470	Post Options Post Reply Quote Don Don Report Post Thanks(1) Quote Reply Posted: 26-January-2017 at 17:45
	A Glaswegian was getting dressed on the morning of his wedding. He has had a kilt specially made. He puts it on and his best man says, " What's the tartan?" " She's wearing white"

Pogue Mahoney Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List I have no life! 68-71 Joined: 08-February-2006 Location: Islets of Langerheads Status: Offline Points: 5274	Post Options Post Reply Quote Pogue Mahoney Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28-January-2017 at 14:18
	What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? an investigator

Don Don Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470	Post Options Post Reply Quote Don Don Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03-February-2017 at 15:30
	One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.

Don Don Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470	Post Options Post Reply Quote Don Don Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03-February-2017 at 15:31
	Why do the French police have Roman numerals on their helmets?..................................because they would like silly with French letters!

Don Don Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470	Post Options Post Reply Quote Don Don Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03-February-2017 at 15:31
	What's a Welsh letter? A French letter with a ' leek ' in it

Don Don Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470	Post Options Post Reply Quote Don Don Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03-February-2017 at 15:33
	Paddy is planning to marry, he is, and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin. His doctor says, "Aye, Paddy, all Irish use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself.... Virginity Test Kit.... A small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel." Paddy asks, "Aye, and what do I do with these things, doctor?" The doctor replies, "Before ye climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your b@lls red and the other blue. If she says, "That's the strangest pair of b@lls I ever did see...", you hit her with the shovel.'

Don Don Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470	Post Options Post Reply Quote Don Don Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03-February-2017 at 15:36
	Whats brown and sounds like a bell? Dung.

Don Don Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470	Post Options Post Reply Quote Don Don Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03-February-2017 at 15:37
	A flea in Omar Shariff's moustache was bored, and phoned the flea agency telling them that he wanted another posting. The Flea Agency arranged for him to be moved to Raquel Welch's minge. Two days later the flea contacted the Agency complaining that he was back in Omar Shariff's moustache

Don Don Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470	Post Options Post Reply Quote Don Don Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03-February-2017 at 15:42
	Old Timers Sex This is too funny to be dirty - enjoy! The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.' 'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.' 'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?' 'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!' A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks.. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and puts their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?' Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence

Don Don Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470	Post Options Post Reply Quote Don Don Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03-February-2017 at 15:44
	Oxo are introducing a new white Oxo cube with a red cross on it to support the English team - It will be called the laughing stock

Don Don Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member 74 78 Joined: 05-November-2010 Location: Dublin Status: Offline Points: 470	Post Options Post Reply Quote Don Don Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03-February-2017 at 15:45
	During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyCanberra" She was asked why she had such a long password. "I was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include one capital."