Hard to believe he is dead 10 years - what a loss

A few Father Ted/Scrap Saturday quotes etc I've collected off different sites over the last few days are listed below

Fr. Ted

"We have to lose that Sax solo!"

"Fascists dress in black and go around telling people what to do, whereas priests... more drink! "

"The Square, so called because the locals couldn't spell pyramid."

"Small....................... far away"

UHT comment from the Milkman -       "Now you had better get going because milk goes off. Except UHT milk. But there is not much call for that around here, because it's sh*te."

"The Pope? He's no friend of mine!"

“I told you, that money was just resting in my account...

”

Father Ted: I know what's going on, Pat Mustard. There are some very hairy babies on Craggy Island, and I think you are the hairy baby-maker.
Pat Mustard: Oh, yeah? Well, I think that you would need proof if you were going to make that sort of an accusation. And I'm a very careful man, Father. A very careful man!
Father Ted: Except when it comes to taking precautions in the bedroom.
Pat Mustard: Ah, w-... you certainly wouldn't be advising the use of artificial contraception now, Father, would you?
Father Ted: Yes, I... well... if you're going to be... of course you will... JUST FECK OFF!

Dougal "You know today I'd like to play a game of chess"
Ted "really??"
Dougal "No, buckaroo it is"

"Father Crilly, Pat wants to know if he can put his massive tool in my box."

(earnest look on Pauline McLynn's face is brilliant as she delivers the line)

Mrs Doyle (as Ted was eating a sausage): -      “Imagine it Father ,your husband standing over you with his lad in his hand, wanting you to degrade yourself, oh get a good mental picute of it..can you picture it ,father??”

(Lovely Girls Contest ?) They all have lovely bottoms

To  Pat Short  - "when I said take care of the rabbits , I realise now you meant in a Quentin Tarantino way, but I meant in a Julie Andrews way, run Dougall, run quite fast..."

Live Shows. In one scene he was impersonating famous Irish people and did a sketch where the idea was that you would have a high-profile role and take a celebrity who was so badly suited to it that it would be amusing. He gave the example of Bertie Ahern as Minister for Finance

Scrap Saturday

Haughey (watching Mary Robinson’s presidential motorcade pass by) - 

"Her escort is 20 shagging motor cycles, what do I get, neandrathal man, straight out of Templemore in a greasy anorak"

Haughey about Bertie "He's cunning, he's devious, he's MY boy"

"Rathkeale, mecca of the west and home of the wanderer, come on down, it's Hi-ace heaven"

Scrap Saturday - one of my favourites Tomcat. Pure unadulterated class. Much preferred it to Fr Ted meself

One eopisode they had the world finals of the sumo championship referred to. Sile Dev was to fight (don't have exact name) Nugo Nakasako

Next week: "Before the start of this week's show, we would like to issue an apology. Last week, we made reference to Sile Dev fighting Nugo Nakasako in the world sumo finals. This is of course incorrect and we apologise for any offence caused."

Pause

"She was of course fighting his brother Munji Nakasako"

I still p1ss myself thinking of that among others. Have a CD collection of the Best of Scrap at home and it's still relevant - absolutely top class.

We'd have saved a fortune in tribunals if we had just listened to the programme

What about Sumo Devalera going to a party at CJ's place in Kinsealy and getting stuck in the gates ? And Mata Harney and Gerry (Ehh it's Gerard) Collins eating all the food at the same party plus the "one n' One" Bertie Rubble brought with him. Brilliant

Rumour had it that Collins and Pee Flynnstone tried to sue him for libel and that allegedly libellous extracts had to be played in Court. Apparently, the Judge and legal teams were in knots laughing and each case was dismissed with cost against the twats.

and the time Gerry / Gerard Collins was ill. They had a great skit about it, but Morgan was trying to figure out whether the man was ill enough to warrant pulling it, or whether he could let it go. "Jesus minister, smell that. That's awful Minister, you'll really have to cut down on the grub"

Apparently when collins gave his famous "burst the party apart" plea to albert, Morgan wanted to play the thing verbatim because he couldn't find a way of making the comedy any funnier than the reality.

Great fun - will have another listen this weekend.

I think it was the time of the Albert's 2nd heave against CJH where they were all in Leinster House ready to vote and he had Collins saying

Colleagues, I appeal to you - don't burst ........ the sandwiches, You'll split the sandwiches apart.

Whoever in RTE decided to get rid of Scrap Saturday is worthy of the following piece of graffitti about Irish politicians

"not fit to take blind gryhounds out for a piss"

LOL here - imagine if the scriptwriters could revive that Scrap Saturday with the present "Situations"  -  that would be pure unbiased comedy at its best - anyone talented in that direction?

V

with all thats happening with Bertie, they'd have a whole series on him alone.

Poor oul Dermot. What a funny man.