RoundaboutToo’s Jokes only thread

Thanks PM! I think it's going to be quiet in here....

My dream of being an archeologist ended when I realised my career was in ruins.

What succeeds?

a gummy budgie

Waiter ...do you have frog legs?

Oui monsieur

Hop over there and get me a beer.

What did the bunny rabbit say when he put his shoes on the wrong feet?

Mixxupmetoeses

I had a Pelican curry yesterday - very tasty, but the bill was enormous.

yes gg,

he's not here today as his hamster died

fell asleep at the wheel...

After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment.

This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth.

The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, "Goony bird! The table!"

Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, "Goony bird! The shelf!"

Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds.

"Wow!" said the wife, "If this doesn't attract my husband's attention, nothing will!" So she bought the bird and took it home.

When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. "Honey!" she exclaimed, "I've got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!"

The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, "Goony Bird, my boll..!"

There is a crack in everything ...... that's how the light gets in

How can you know if a boy baby is more ticklish than a girl baby?

testicles

A Man with 3.1415927 eyes walked into a bar.The Barman said" I'm sorry Sir I can't serve you..You're already Pi eyed"

THE ISLE OF DOGS BANK HAS COLLASPED.THEY'VE CALLED IN THE RETRIVERS

Edited by DONDON

Grover from 73(old Grove)

In the year of the bankers and developers
When recession raged across the land
there were many driven by the hopelessness to set sail for the Americas and Australia

Amy Winehouse was disapointed when it was explained to her that she won five Grammys and not five grammes

A houseowner complained to a workman he had hired."I gave you a list of eight jobs to do around the house, but you've only done numbers one three five and seven......The workman replied "That's because I'm an odd job man"

Grover from 73(old Grove)

In the year of the bankers and developers
When recession raged across the land
there were many driven by the hopelessness to set sail for the Americas and Australia

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Pogue Mahoney Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List I have no life! 68-71 Joined: 08-February-2006 Location: Islets of Langerheads Status: Offline Points: 5298	Post Options Post Reply Quote Pogue Mahoney Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Topic: RoundaboutToo’s Jokes only thread Posted: 22-June-2011 at 13:58


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RoundaboutToo! Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Die Hard Grover! �75-�79 and �06 - present Joined: 17-August-2006 Location: Artane Status: Offline Points: 2034	Post Options Post Reply Quote RoundaboutToo! Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22-June-2011 at 14:22
	Thanks PM! I think it's going to be quiet in here.... My dream of being an archeologist ended when I realised my career was in ruins.

RoundaboutToo! Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Die Hard Grover! �75-�79 and �06 - present Joined: 17-August-2006 Location: Artane Status: Offline Points: 2034	Post Options Post Reply Quote RoundaboutToo! Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22-June-2011 at 14:25
	A grasshopper walks into a bar The barman says 'we have a drink named after you' The grasshopper says 'What? there's a drink called a Kevin?'

Pogue Mahoney Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List I have no life! 68-71 Joined: 08-February-2006 Location: Islets of Langerheads Status: Offline Points: 5298	Post Options Post Reply Quote Pogue Mahoney Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22-June-2011 at 20:37
	What succeeds? a gummy budgie

RoundaboutToo! Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Die Hard Grover! �75-�79 and �06 - present Joined: 17-August-2006 Location: Artane Status: Offline Points: 2034	Post Options Post Reply Quote RoundaboutToo! Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 23-June-2011 at 00:54
	My mate got a great tattoo of a microsoft spreadsheet on his back.. I think he's really Excelled himself this time.

Pogue Mahoney Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List I have no life! 68-71 Joined: 08-February-2006 Location: Islets of Langerheads Status: Offline Points: 5298	Post Options Post Reply Quote Pogue Mahoney Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 23-June-2011 at 04:16
	Waiter ...do you have frog legs? Oui monsieur Hop over there and get me a beer.

Pogue Mahoney Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List I have no life! 68-71 Joined: 08-February-2006 Location: Islets of Langerheads Status: Offline Points: 5298	Post Options Post Reply Quote Pogue Mahoney Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 23-June-2011 at 04:17
	Two tramps walk into an expensive restaurant. "Can we have a table near the door please"

Pogue Mahoney Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List I have no life! 68-71 Joined: 08-February-2006 Location: Islets of Langerheads Status: Offline Points: 5298	Post Options Post Reply Quote Pogue Mahoney Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 23-June-2011 at 04:21
	What did the bunny rabbit say when he put his shoes on the wrong feet? Mixxupmetoeses

Pogue Mahoney Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List I have no life! 68-71 Joined: 08-February-2006 Location: Islets of Langerheads Status: Offline Points: 5298	Post Options Post Reply Quote Pogue Mahoney Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 23-June-2011 at 04:23
	Jimmy, looking at menu-"What is soup du jour?" Pete-"It's mushroom...I had it yesterday"

RoundaboutToo! Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Die Hard Grover! �75-�79 and �06 - present Joined: 17-August-2006 Location: Artane Status: Offline Points: 2034	Post Options Post Reply Quote RoundaboutToo! Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 24-June-2011 at 15:20
	I had a Pelican curry yesterday - very tasty, but the bill was enormous.

Grovegirl Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List I have no life! 77-81 Joined: 26-February-2007 Location: NCD Status: Offline Points: 5039	Post Options Post Reply Quote Grovegirl Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 24-June-2011 at 15:25
	Roundy...Nice to see Pogue is giving you a helping hand to get started!
	GG

RoundaboutToo! Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Die Hard Grover! �75-�79 and �06 - present Joined: 17-August-2006 Location: Artane Status: Offline Points: 2034	Post Options Post Reply Quote RoundaboutToo! Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 24-June-2011 at 15:29
	yes gg, he's not here today as his hamster died fell asleep at the wheel...

monarch Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List I spend too much time here!!! Oldest Grover 67-72? Joined: 24-December-2006 Status: Offline Points: 7725	Post Options Post Reply Quote monarch Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 24-June-2011 at 18:17
	A burglar broke into a home and was looking around. He heard a soft voice say, "Jesus is watching you". Thinking it was just his imagination, he continued his search. Again the voice said "Jesus is watching you". He turned his flashlight around and saw a parrot in a cage. He asked the parrot if he was the one talking and the parrot said, "yes." He asked the parrot what his name was and the parrot said, "Moses." The burglar asked, "what kind of people would name a parrot Moses?" The parrot said, "the same kind of people who would name their pit bull Jesus"
	There is a crack in everything ...... that's how the light gets in

monarch Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List I spend too much time here!!! Oldest Grover 67-72? Joined: 24-December-2006 Status: Offline Points: 7725	Post Options Post Reply Quote monarch Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 24-June-2011 at 18:20
	After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment. This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth. The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, "Goony bird! The table!" Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, "Goony bird! The shelf!" Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds. "Wow!" said the wife, "If this doesn't attract my husband's attention, nothing will!" So she bought the bird and took it home. When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. "Honey!" she exclaimed, "I've got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!" The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, "Goony Bird, my boll..!"
	There is a crack in everything ...... that's how the light gets in

Pogue Mahoney Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List I have no life! 68-71 Joined: 08-February-2006 Location: Islets of Langerheads Status: Offline Points: 5298	Post Options Post Reply Quote Pogue Mahoney Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 25-June-2011 at 11:56
	An explorer is walking through a jungle in deepest Africa. As he was crossing a river he looked at the ground and saw a cricket ball. "Amazing!" he said "To find a cricket ball here in the middle of nowhere". Two days later as he was settling down for the night he looked at the4 ground and saw another cricket ball. "Amazing!" he said "Another cricket ball, out here in the middle of nowhere". Three days later he is trudging through the jungle, looked down into a ditch and saw ... ...a castrated cricket.

Pogue Mahoney Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List I have no life! 68-71 Joined: 08-February-2006 Location: Islets of Langerheads Status: Offline Points: 5298	Post Options Post Reply Quote Pogue Mahoney Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 25-June-2011 at 15:36
	How can you know if a boy baby is more ticklish than a girl baby? testicles

Pogue Mahoney Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List I have no life! 68-71 Joined: 08-February-2006 Location: Islets of Langerheads Status: Offline Points: 5298	Post Options Post Reply Quote Pogue Mahoney Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 25-June-2011 at 15:39
	Two babies lying in their cots in the maternity ward. One says to the other- "Are you a girl baby or a boy baby?". The baby peeks under the sheets and says-"I'm a boy baby". The first baby asks-"How do you know?" and the other baby says_ 'Im wearing blue booties"

DONDON Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Die Hard Grover! 73-77 Joined: 22-February-2010 Location: Raheny Status: Offline Points: 3196	Post Options Post Reply Quote DONDON Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28-June-2011 at 16:30
	A Man with 3.1415927 eyes walked into a bar.The Barman said" I'm sorry Sir I can't serve you..You're already Pi eyed" THE ISLE OF DOGS BANK HAS COLLASPED.THEY'VE CALLED IN THE RETRIVERS Edited by DONDON
	Grover from 73(old Grove) In the year of the bankers and developers When recession raged across the land there were many driven by the hopelessness to set sail for the Americas and Australia

DONDON Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Die Hard Grover! 73-77 Joined: 22-February-2010 Location: Raheny Status: Offline Points: 3196	Post Options Post Reply Quote DONDON Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28-June-2011 at 16:36
	I went to see my friends new baby today.She asked me to wind it. But I though that was a bit harsh, so I just gave it a dead leg Edited by DONDON
	Grover from 73(old Grove) In the year of the bankers and developers When recession raged across the land there were many driven by the hopelessness to set sail for the Americas and Australia

DONDON Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Die Hard Grover! 73-77 Joined: 22-February-2010 Location: Raheny Status: Offline Points: 3196	Post Options Post Reply Quote DONDON Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28-June-2011 at 16:49
	Amy Winehouse was disapointed when it was explained to her that she won five Grammys and not five grammes A houseowner complained to a workman he had hired."I gave you a list of eight jobs to do around the house, but you've only done numbers one three five and seven......The workman replied "That's because I'm an odd job man"
	Grover from 73(old Grove) In the year of the bankers and developers When recession raged across the land there were many driven by the hopelessness to set sail for the Americas and Australia