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Biker Pat 
I spend too much time here!!! 
72-75 Joined: 26-April-2005 Location: Swords, Co Dublin (ex Celti Status: Offline Points: 40032 |
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 Posted: 19-May-2016 at 14:38 |
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What did the scarf say to the hat?
You go on a head and ill hang around here. |
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May be going to hell in a bucket but at least I'm enjoying the ride.
Biker Pat Grove 1972-1975 |
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Pogue Mahoney
I have no life!
68-71 Joined: 08-February-2006 Location: Islets of Langerheads Status: Offline Points: 5298 |
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Posted: 19-May-2016 at 21:03 |
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What word is always pronounced wrong?
wrong
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Biker Pat
I spend too much time here!!!
72-75 Joined: 26-April-2005 Location: Swords, Co Dublin (ex Celti Status: Offline Points: 40032 |
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Posted: 20-May-2016 at 14:21 |
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Paddy was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin.
The doctor said,'Well, you need three things from a Do-It-Yourself shop. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint... And a shovel.' Paddy asked, 'And what do I do with these, doc?' The doc replied, 'Before the wedding night, you paint one of your testicles red and the other one blue. If she says, "That's the strangest pair of balls I ever saw", you hit her with the shovel!!!." |
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May be going to hell in a bucket but at least I'm enjoying the ride.
Biker Pat Grove 1972-1975 |
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Pogue Mahoney
I have no life!
68-71 Joined: 08-February-2006 Location: Islets of Langerheads Status: Offline Points: 5298 |
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Posted: 20-May-2016 at 17:34 |
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Paddy didn't know how to do it so the doctor told him to stick the hardest part of his body where she goes pee. the next morning he was found with his head stuck in the toilet.
Boom Boom Tssh
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Pogue Mahoney
I have no life!
68-71 Joined: 08-February-2006 Location: Islets of Langerheads Status: Offline Points: 5298 |
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Posted: 20-May-2016 at 17:39 |
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Two babies in the cot. The first asks the other "Are you a boy or a girl?. The baby peeks down under the blanket and answers_ "I'm a boy". The first baby asks_"How do you know that?" and the second baby says_ "I'm wearing blue booties"
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Biker Pat
I spend too much time here!!!
72-75 Joined: 26-April-2005 Location: Swords, Co Dublin (ex Celti Status: Offline Points: 40032 |
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Posted: 20-May-2016 at 18:56 |
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May be going to hell in a bucket but at least I'm enjoying the ride.
Biker Pat Grove 1972-1975 |
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Biker Pat
I spend too much time here!!!
72-75 Joined: 26-April-2005 Location: Swords, Co Dublin (ex Celti Status: Offline Points: 40032 |
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Posted: 16-June-2016 at 18:01 |
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A turkey is chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighs the turkey, "but I just haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replies the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecks at a lump of dung and finds that it actually gives him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reaches the second branch. Finally after a week, there he is proudly perched at the top of the tree. Unfortunately he is spotted by a farmer, who shoots him out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there. |
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May be going to hell in a bucket but at least I'm enjoying the ride.
Biker Pat Grove 1972-1975 |
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Pogue Mahoney
I have no life!
68-71 Joined: 08-February-2006 Location: Islets of Langerheads Status: Offline Points: 5298 |
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Posted: 17-June-2016 at 12:52 |
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Paddy was born with only a head, no arms, legs or body. He was miserable all his life wishing he could go swimming and play football. On his 21st birthday he won the lottery and spent every last penny on a body transplant operation. As he stepped out of the hospital he was hit by a lorry and killed instantly.
Moral of the story: When you are a head, stay a head.
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joey the lips
I spend too much time here!!!
1979 -1983 Joined: 30-October-2007 Status: Offline Points: 9532 |
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Posted: 17-June-2016 at 15:40 |
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You can checkout anytime u like but u can never leave
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Biker Pat
I spend too much time here!!!
72-75 Joined: 26-April-2005 Location: Swords, Co Dublin (ex Celti Status: Offline Points: 40032 |
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Posted: 21-June-2016 at 19:05 |
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Three Irish women go to confession and all three tell the priest that
they have been having bad dreams about ghosts. The priest gets mad and
decides to mention it during the Mass on Sunday.
"Before we leave Mass today I want to say a few things about what I've been hearing in confession. There is no such things as ghosts, and those of you dreaming about ghosts should quit telling me about it. Now has anyone else in this church had a dream about a ghost?" Paddy is sitting in the back row half asleep and he raises his hand. "Paddy, now don't tell me you've been having dreams about a ghost too," asks the priest? "Oh I'm sorry Father", says Paddy, " I thought you said goat." |
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May be going to hell in a bucket but at least I'm enjoying the ride.
Biker Pat Grove 1972-1975 |
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Biker Pat
I spend too much time here!!!
72-75 Joined: 26-April-2005 Location: Swords, Co Dublin (ex Celti Status: Offline Points: 40032 |
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Posted: 05-July-2016 at 17:46 |
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Paddy and Murphy go for a day of fishing, but when they get to the
bridge they realize they have forgotten their equipment. So Murphy comes
up with an idea. “Paddy you hold me by the ankles over the bridge and
when I see a fish I’ll grab it” so Paddy hangs him over the side. All of
a sudden Murphy shouts “Paddy, pull me up quick” Paddy asks “why
Murphy, have you caught a fish?” “no Paddy” Murphy replies “there’s a
train coming”
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May be going to hell in a bucket but at least I'm enjoying the ride.
Biker Pat Grove 1972-1975 |
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Biker Pat
I spend too much time here!!!
72-75 Joined: 26-April-2005 Location: Swords, Co Dublin (ex Celti Status: Offline Points: 40032 |
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Posted: 26-July-2016 at 18:36 |
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Two Irishmen move from Dublin to London to make their fortune. When they
get there they decide to split living costs. Paddy pays the rent and
Seamus buys the food.
The first day in their new flat Paddy comes home after work and says to Seamus " I paid the landlord. Did ye get the food Seamus. Seamus replies "Sure I did Paddy. Its in the fridge." Dats great " says Paddy, "Oim starvin" So he opens the fridge and there's about 50 bottles of Guiness in there. Then he sees at the bottom corner just half a loaf of stale bread. "Are we having some kind of house warmin tonight" says Paddy. " No, sure we're not" says Seamus. "Then what's all the bread for" |
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May be going to hell in a bucket but at least I'm enjoying the ride.
Biker Pat Grove 1972-1975 |
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Pogue Mahoney wrote: